I remember the first time I met a child who had been in and out of multiple foster homes. His eyes held a mixture of hope and hesitation, a silent plea wrapped in the armor of distrust. He wasn’t expecting me to stay. Why should he? He had been let down too many times before.
It broke my heart to see him brace for rejection, as if love was something temporary—something that could be given and just as easily taken away. And in that moment, I asked myself the very question that echoes throughout the foster care system: Do children with trauma—whether minor or severe—deserve long-term placement or forever families?
The answer should be simple, right? Every child deserves stability, unconditional love, and a place to call home. Yet, our society often labels children with trauma as too difficult, too broken, or too much work. But let’s get one thing straight: trauma does not define a child’s worth.
The Stigma of Trauma in Foster Care
The foster care system is filled with children who have experienced loss, neglect, and, in many cases, severe trauma. Some have endured circumstances no child should ever have to face—abandonment, abuse, and the uncertainty of whether they’ll ever be part of a family again.
And yet, there’s a hesitation among prospective foster and adoptive parents. They worry that taking in a child with trauma will be too overwhelming, that they won’t be able to “fix” them. But here’s the truth: these children don’t need to be fixed. They need to be loved.
No one looks at a wounded soldier and says, “He doesn’t deserve healing because his wounds are too deep.” Instead, we admire his resilience, honor his sacrifice, and provide him with the care he needs. The same should apply to children who carry emotional wounds.
Faith-Based Perspective: Love Covers a Multitude of Wounds
The Bible is filled with stories of redemption—of God taking the broken, the weary, and the abandoned and giving them a place to belong. Psalm 68:5-6 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.”
God does not shy away from the brokenhearted, and neither should we. The love of Christ is a love that restores, renews, and heals. It does not avoid pain; it walks into it with open arms. If we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, then we are called to love those who have been deemed too difficult by the world.
The Power of Unconditional Love
I once knew a couple who took in a 12-year-old girl named Hannah. She had been through more placements than she could count. Every time she thought she had found a home, something happened—sometimes her behaviors, sometimes the fears of those around her. But this couple refused to give up on her. They met her anger with patience, her fears with reassurance, and her withdrawal with unwavering presence.
It wasn’t easy. Trauma doesn’t disappear overnight. But over time, Hannah began to believe that love was not a temporary arrangement. She started to trust, to open her heart, to heal.
That’s what a forever family does. It doesn’t erase trauma, but it gives a child a safe place to work through it.
Breaking Down the Barriers to Long-Term Placement
So, what are the main reasons children with trauma are overlooked for long-term placements? Let’s break down some of the misconceptions:
1. “They’re too much work.”
Every child requires guidance, discipline, and patience. Trauma does add complexity, but it also provides an opportunity to be part of a redemptive story. A child’s struggle today does not determine their future potential.
2. “They won’t ever trust me.”
Trust takes time. It’s earned through consistency, showing up day after day, and proving that love is more than just words.
3. “I won’t be able to handle their trauma.”
No parent is perfect, and no child expects perfection. What they need is someone willing to walk through the storm with them, rather than leave at the first sign of difficulty.
4. “They’re better off in temporary care.”
Children don’t thrive in limbo. Stability provides a foundation for healing, growth, and the ability to build healthy relationships. Long-term commitment is essential to breaking the cycle of instability.
Practical Steps for Supporting Foster Youth with Trauma
1. Commit for the Long Haul
If you’re considering fostering or adopting, understand that healing takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. These kids need consistency, not conditional love that disappears when things get hard.
2. Educate Yourself About Trauma
Trauma-informed parenting is crucial. Learn about how trauma impacts the brain, emotions, and behaviors. Equip yourself with strategies to help a child feel safe and secure.
3. Lean on Faith and Community
No one can do this alone. Surround yourself with a strong support system—church, friends, counselors—who can walk this journey with you.
4. See the Child, Not Just the Trauma
Trauma is part of their story, but it is not their identity. See the child for who they are—a person with dreams, gifts, and immense worth.
5. Be Willing to Be Changed
Loving a child with trauma will stretch you. It will refine you. It will teach you a deeper love than you ever imagined. Be open to that transformation.
Faith in Action: What Can You Do Today?
If this post has stirred something in your heart, I encourage you to take action. Maybe it’s:
- Praying for children in foster care.
- Supporting a foster or adoptive family.
- Considering becoming a foster parent yourself.
- Advocating for policies that ensure children receive the stability they need.
Love is not passive. Love is action. And when we step into love, even when it’s messy, we become part of God’s redemptive story.
So, do children with trauma deserve forever families? Absolutely. And if we have the capacity to offer love, stability, and healing, we should. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s right.
We must shift our mindset from seeing trauma as an obstacle to seeing it as an opportunity. An opportunity to love deeply, to show resilience, and to be a vessel of healing in the life of a child who needs it most.
Let’s be the generation that refuses to turn away. Let’s be the ones who stay.
