“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
A Journey of the Heart: A Foster Mother’s Struggle
Jessica sat at the kitchen table long after the kids had gone to bed, her hands wrapped around a lukewarm mug of tea. The laughter of the day had faded, replaced by the quiet ache in her heart. Her foster daughter, Lila, had screamed at her earlier—again. “You’re not my real mom!” the words had pierced like arrows.
She knew the trauma behind those words. She knew the pain Lila carried. But even so, a bitter seed had taken root in her heart, watered by sleepless nights, constant rejections, and the weariness of trying to love a child who seemed to resist it at every turn.
Resentment was creeping in. Forgiveness felt distant.
Jessica loved God. She had stepped into fostering out of a sense of divine calling. But no one had warned her how hard it would be—not just physically or emotionally, but spiritually. She didn’t realize how fostering would reveal her own need to forgive—not just Lila, but the birth parents, the broken system, and even herself.
When Forgiveness Feels Impossible
Fostering and adoption bring with them immense beauty—and deep heartbreak. Families are formed in the midst of loss. Children carry unseen wounds. Parents shoulder the burden of trauma that isn’t theirs yet becomes theirs to bear.
In this sacred calling, there are days when bitterness tries to take up residence. When we are exhausted from giving and receiving little in return. When we are blamed, misunderstood, or judged. When our efforts feel invisible, and the love we offer is rejected.
Forgiveness in this context isn’t easy. It’s not just about saying “it’s okay” or pretending the pain isn’t real. It’s about choosing grace in the face of disappointment. It’s about releasing the weight of resentment so we can receive the fullness of God’s peace.
And the truth is, we can’t do it on our own. But we’re not called to.
The Cross: Where Forgiveness Flows
When we look to the cross, we’re reminded that forgiveness isn’t something we muster from our own strength—it’s a gift we receive and then extend.
Jesus, who had every right to condemn, said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). He looked upon a world that had rejected Him—and chose mercy.
This is the kind of forgiveness we’re called to embody. Not because the people in our lives deserve it, but because we didn’t deserve it either—and yet, we received it freely.
In the foster care and adoption journey, there will be countless opportunities to walk this road:
- Forgiving the birth parents who hurt your child or abandoned their responsibility.
- Forgiving caseworkers who failed to act with urgency or care.
- Forgiving the system that often feels more broken than healing.
- Forgiving your child for the ways they lash out.
- Forgiving yourself—for the moments you lost your patience, doubted your calling, or felt inadequate.
This is not a one-time act. Forgiveness is a posture of the heart—a daily surrender at the feet of Jesus, trusting that His grace is enough.
Embracing the Gift of Grace
When we choose to forgive, we don’t just release others—we release ourselves. Bitterness binds us to the pain. Forgiveness unlocks the door to healing.
Paul’s words in Ephesians 4:32 are not just a command—they are a reflection of who we are called to be as God’s children: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
This verse doesn’t minimize the hurt. It doesn’t pretend the struggle isn’t real. Instead, it calls us to be compassionate—to see others through the lens of God’s mercy. To understand that broken people break others. And to know that the same mercy that saved us is available for every person in the story—even those who have caused pain.
Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
If you’re carrying a weight of resentment today, here are a few practical steps to begin fostering forgiveness:
1. Name the Hurt.
Don’t bury it. God invites us to be honest. Write it down. Speak it in prayer. Let yourself feel what you’ve been holding in.
2. Bring It to Jesus.
Lay it at the cross. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you release the anger, the bitterness, and the judgment. Remember, you are not alone in carrying this burden.
3. Choose Forgiveness Daily.
It may not feel natural at first. That’s okay. Forgiveness is often a decision long before it becomes a feeling.
4. Pray for Those Who Hurt You.
This is one of the hardest—and most transformative—steps. As you begin to pray, even through clenched teeth, God will begin softening your heart.
5. Embrace God’s Grace for Yourself.
You’re not expected to be perfect. Parenting children from hard places is incredibly difficult. Let God’s love wash over your guilt and shame. You are not failing—you are growing.
6. Surround Yourself with Support.
Find a community of believers, foster and adoptive parents, or a support group who can pray with you, listen without judgment, and remind you of God’s truth.
You Are Not Alone
If your heart is heavy today, remember: God sees you. He sees the silent tears. The aching nights. The moments you wanted to give up. And He whispers: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You were never meant to carry this on your own. Jesus is with you—working in the unseen, healing what feels impossible, and pouring out His love over every cracked and broken place.
And He’s not just asking you to forgive—He’s inviting you to be free.
Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father,
I come to You with a heart that’s weary and burdened. You know the pain I carry—every wound, every word, every tear. Lord, I lay it all at Your feet. Help me to forgive, not in my strength, but through Your power. Teach me to love as You have loved me. Soften my heart and renew my spirit.
May Your grace be my strength, and Your mercy my guide. Let my home be a place where healing flows and Your presence dwells. Thank You for never leaving me alone on this journey. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Dear friend, as you walk this sacred road of foster care and adoption, may you remember:
You are seen. You are chosen. You are deeply loved.
And God’s grace is more than enough for every step of the way.